explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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