He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
