I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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