During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize