so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
