Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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