if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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