he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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