I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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