last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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