I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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