Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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