I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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