Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
