butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
