Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
