Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
