Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
