I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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