It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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