man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think my moral compass just broke
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