just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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