I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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