Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
