so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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