Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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