so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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