I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
