Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
