there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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