after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
