man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
