Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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