I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
