I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
