did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Damn victory sex feels great
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
