I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
