Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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