I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
