HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
