Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
