he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
