i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
