I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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