I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
