yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
how drunk are you?
Several
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
