he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
