Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
