everyone is single if you try hard enough
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?