the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”