This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.