Texts From Last Night

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  (618): View more from Illinois

  In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.

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  (618): In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it. http://tfl.nu/dx0b
  Replies (4) Good night (3314) Bad night (1012)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free

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  (312): It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free http://tfl.nu/rz6v
  Replies (5) Good night (911) Bad night (3649)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

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  (253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr
  Replies (37) Good night (1252) Bad night (5511)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.

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  (604): I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey. http://tfl.nu/1r0k
  Replies (27) Good night (11739) Bad night (1030)
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  (315): View more from New York

  in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."

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  (315): in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me." http://tfl.nu/9q0b
  Replies (4) Good night (4050) Bad night (778)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

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  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (49) Good night (9534) Bad night (1386)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

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  (302): dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit http://tfl.nu/61qr
  Replies (13) Good night (6845) Bad night (1295)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

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  (502): Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this. http://tfl.nu/29p7
  Replies (13) Good night (4466) Bad night (1438)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am

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  (605): im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am http://tfl.nu/dc3c
  Replies (9) Good night (3432) Bad night (1308)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.

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  (757): We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out. http://tfl.nu/e9z5
  Replies (4) Good night (1267) Bad night (3735)
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  (315): View more from New York

  There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  its Wednesday...

  (315): View more from New York

  they're reeeeeally big trays

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  (315): There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge. (440): its Wednesday... (315): they're reeeeeally big trays http://tfl.nu/bwkn
  Replies (7) Good night (3088) Bad night (1044)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.

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  (409): The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out. http://tfl.nu/ni31
  Replies (6) Good night (885) Bad night (3683)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".

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  (210): We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness". http://tfl.nu/kq4n
  Replies (5) Good night (903) Bad night (1384)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions

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  (908): Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b? (340): It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions http://tfl.nu/22dq
  Replies (2) Good night (942) Bad night (424)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror

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  (281): You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror http://tfl.nu/4ds1
  Replies (1) Good night (465) Bad night (261)

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