I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.