i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.