I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
