isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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