i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
