you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
