The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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