My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
