The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I believe in your delicious
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