Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
