Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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